Plain, simple Jake

Things that sound funnier than normal when I say them #1

2006-12-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

Bros before hos.

I'm expanding!

2006-08-30T23:06:00.000-06:00

A while back, I had an idea for a different blog. But then I thought to myself, "No one will read it, so why should I bother?" But then I thought to myself, "Wait a minute, since when have I ever refrained from writing something just because no one will read it?" So that settled it, and I am now the proud proprietor of Pandabearblöggen, a University of Alberta sports blog. I've kicked it off with a lovely post on the Women's Rugby World Cup in which I link to what other people have said rather than saying stuff of my own. Truly, I am a blogger.

Time is tissue

2006-08-19T23:18:00.000-06:00

I can't find the link right now, but one writer reviewing Snakes on a Plane said something to the effect of the following: when Samuel L. Jackson delivers his much-anticipated line (you know which one), you'll be proud to be American.

It turns out that's true even if you're not actually American.

SoaP is an extremely terrible movie. Go see it right now.

Search engine update!

2006-08-11T20:03:00.000-06:00

Best search string used to find this site: harbatkin serenity

Most disturbing search string used to find this site: does vince mcmahon wear a thong or underwears?

Most depressing search string used to find this site: push slice swing

Most uncalled for search string used to find this site: jake is stupid

Because I just can't say no to Steve

2006-08-11T19:12:00.000-06:00

1. Have you ever been in a fantasy league?

Indeed. I was in both an NHL and an NBA league last year, managing the Geelong Rabbitohs HC in the Gateway's NHL league, and the Big Damn Heroes in a semi-related NBA league. I did quite terribly in hockey, quickly discovering that I had never heard of the majority of NHL players. After brilliantly picking Daniel Alfredsson second overall, my draft was absolutely horrid (although picking Jussi in the second round was awesome, if not in any way good for my team). I finished second-last, if I recall correctly. The Big Damn Heroes got off to a good start, but once I realized that having a fantasy team didn't make me care about the NBA any more than before (which was basically none), I started to neglect it and they started slipping. By the end, I amused myself by attempting to acquire the entire Phoenix Suns roster. I failed, but came closer than you might think.

2. What was the first jersey you ever owned?

When I was a wee baby, I had a wee Eskimos jersey, with Dan Kepley's number 42 on it. I kept it for many years, only parting with it when my niece was born and I gave it to her.

3. Top 5 sports books

Christ, have I even read five sports books? Seriously, I think the GAA rulebook has to make it on the list. Um, I have The Stick, by Bruce Dowbiggen, which is okay. Mick Foley's Have a Nice Day is pretty awesome, and I'm going to count it as a sports book. The Hockey Sweater is a classic, of course. And, um... is misogyny a sport? If so, then Atlas Shrugged.

4. 10 favorite athletes

This is a little weird, but my favorite sports are also sports I haven't been able to follow closely enough to know the players. So, sadly, no rugby, Aussie, or Gaelic football players will be on this list at this point. I'm sure this will change as time goes on. But at any rate, in no particular order:

Rocket Richard
Hayley Wickenheiser
Gizmo Williams
Dave Nedohin
Doug Flutie
Kim Martin
Chantal Petitclerc
Wayne Gretzky (Cliched? Sure, but come on.)
Muhammad Ali (And I don't even like boxing.)
Jen Botterill

5. Three Athletes I secretly admire but am ashamed to admit it for fear of ridicule

Barry Bonds - Okay, yeah, steroid allegations and all that. But the dude's good, and he knows it, and he insists on being himself even if other people don't like it. My kinda guy.
Chris Benoit - Yes, he's an athlete, and you're very wrong for questioning it.
Darryl Strawberry - For the same reason Steve gave.

6. The 5 people I tag are:

Let's see: Heather Smith, Heather Wallace, Daniel Kaszor, I find it difficult to believe no one's said Ross Prusakowski yet, and, um... any Pandas who happen to run across this. Even though none will.

So THAT'S what it looks like when a Kangaroo gets raped to death...

2006-06-28T20:40:00.000-06:00

I saw a man wearing an Italy jersey today. I seriously had to fight the urge to refrain from kicking him in the junk.

Today is a good day to advance

2006-06-22T15:22:00.000-06:00

Australia 2 Croatia 2 The Socceroos advance past the first round for the first time ever, and they were clearly the better team in this match, surviving some, shall we say, unfortunate decisions by the referee. They meet the hopefully scandal-distracted Italians on Monday.

Ghana 2 USA 1 And the Black Stars shock everyone by advancing in the their first ever World Cup. I am pleased. Unfortunately, though, they have to face the Brazilians on Tuesday.

In other news: My third choice, England, also advanced earlier, and will destroy Ecuador on Sunday. Fourth-choice Germany faces (relatively distant) fifth-choice Sweden on Saturday. I'm doing pretty good so far, huh?

Reason #3 why this wrestling fan doesn't watch wrestling

2006-06-06T10:05:00.000-06:00

I caught the last couple minutes of Raw last night when I flipped over to TSN in order to catch the highlights of Oilers-'Canes game one (all but the last five minutes of which I missed for slo-pitch and finger-injuring). And what did I see but Triple H giving a pedigree to Vince McMahon, with Vince's pants down around his ankles and his thong underwear bearing his shiny ass to the world. I am, of course, very sorry that I missed what led up to that.

On association football, one of my five or six favourite codes of football

2006-06-02T09:49:00.000-06:00

It's that time of four-years when a lot of people are going to be deluging you with analysis of and predictions for the upcoming FIFA World Cup. I won't be joining them, on account of how I really have very little idea what's going on in the soccer world. (Not that being knowledgable has always worked out for me before.)

Nonetheless, I'll certainly be watching as much as I can of this biggest of the big tournaments, which leaves me in a bind: who to cheer for? Canada's not in the tournament, of course, nor is either Irish team, robbing me of my most obvious choices.

So, in lieu of World Cup predictions, I present to you my detailed analysis as I figure out which teams to cheer for in each group. Since two teams will advance from each group, I'll pick a top two for each. I'll then be back for updates following the preliminary round, when no doubt most of the team's I've chosen will have been eliminated.

Group A

Poland
Germany
Costa Rica
Ecuador

Well, I know exactly one German, which gives me more of a connection to that country than to any of the others, so I'll cheer for them first in this group. I also know a Pole, but I'm pretty sure she was born in Canada, and anyway, there's a limit to how strongly I can cheer for the country that's indirectly responsible for Ross. (Note, however, that I have no problem cheering for the country that's directly responsible for him.) Still, it's enough for me to go with Poland second here.

Group B

England
Paraguay
Trinidad and Tobago
Sweden

England is the nation of some unclear proportion not exceeding half of my ethnic origin, it's the source of my last name, plus it's where Her Majesty the Queen lives, so they're my natural first choice here. I have no ties at all to any of the other three countries, so picking a number two is tough. I do really like Sweden's women's hockey team, though, so I might as well try to transfer that fandom across the boundaries of sport and gender.

Group C

Argentina
Côte d'Ivoire
Serbia and Montenegro
Netherlands

Wow, this one is tough. Let's see... the Netherlands has the world's least idiotic drug laws and is just generally liberal in the ways I like (and, to be fair, the ways I don't, but that's not exactly rare), so I guess I'll go with them first. And Côte d'Ivoire borders Ghana, who (you'll see later) are an easy favourite of mine; maybe that should mean I cheer against them out of rivalry, but I'm going to be neighbourly—vicariously neighbourly, anyway—and put them second.

Group D

Mexico
Iran
Angola
Portugal

Gotta go with Mexico here, out of North American solidarity or something. Besides, I've actually been there, albeit only for an afternoon when I was 13. I just can't cheer for Iran, for political reasons, and between Portugal and former Portugese colony Angola, I've got to cheer for the colony to show up the ol' motherland, so Angola's second.

Group E

Italy
Ghana
USA
Czech Republic

My mother's second husband, who was a hell of a guy, was Ghanian, and I retain allegiance to his country to this day. They're my number one in this group. USA goes second, because: a) North American solidarity again; b) I've been there (three times, in fact!); and c) I like being contrarian, and I'm sure I'll be one of about four non-Americans cheering for them.

Group F

Brazil
Croatia
Australia
Japan

Australia—home of the AFL, the Wallabies, and the South Sydney Rabbitohs—is my favourite football nation, so I'll be cheering for the Socceroos as well. And Japan is just neat, so they come next.

Group G

France
Switzerland
Korea Republic
Togo

Hmm. Well, how can you not cheer for the neutrals? Go Switzerland! As for the others: Korea was the setting of M*A*S*H, and that's good enough for me.

Group H

Spain
Ukraine
Tunisia
Saudi Arabia

I used to know someone who'll be cheering for Ukraine, and I can't in good conscience cheer for the same team as that moron, so they're out. Saudi Arabia's out for similar reasons to Iran. Since I actually know something about Spain, I'll put them first, and Tunisia second.

What?

2006-06-02T00:12:00.000-06:00

From Wikipedia's entry for "Battle of Alberta", in the U of A vs. U of C section:

Competitions between the two universities have taken place over who has possession of a painted rock. Currently Calgary has it though several University of Alberta students attempted to blow it up, resulting in damage to the windows at the Calgary campus.

Someone just made that up, right?

Fairly Stupid

2006-05-24T11:22:00.000-06:00

“We realize that these giveaways as part of our Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night are fairly stupid and serve no real purpose,” said Curve General Manager Todd Parnell. “But if our fans don’t like them, then they can sue us!”

The Altoona Curve AA baseball team has an interesting idea for a promotion.

Oh, and what have I been up to since my last post all those weeks ago? Attempting to write a novel.

April is Panda Month

2006-04-22T00:48:00.000-06:00

... at the US National Zoo.

I have no real reason for posting this news, except as a flimsy excuse to post a picture of a panda. I like pandas rather a lot. Way more than I like Pandas.

Plainsimplejakepourri

2006-04-19T20:14:00.000-06:00

A collection of random thoughts:

- On my way home from school today, I saw a woman who appeared to be speed-walking in slow motion. It was very odd. Also, she had a shirt that said "kunt" on it, which I think was grounds to run her over. Unfortunately, I wasn't driving.

- I picked up NBA Live 2004 for Gamecube for $10. It has quickly become apparent that I haven't played a basketball video game in a very long time, and also that I know even less about basketball than I thought I did.

- I also rented Super Princess Peach for DS. It's a decent platformer, if you can get past the cutesy theme (I can), but it's extraordinarily easy thus far, and I'm not getting the sense that it's going to get much harder. I also get the feeling that I'll beat it by tomorrow.

- I rented a DVD, too, specifically the Office special. It's about fucking time I saw that. It's brilliant. I love the Office rather a lot. I also know as I watch it that I have something in common with each of the characters. I like to think that it's because they each have one shining character trait hidden beneath the neuroses and such. Even David Brent. It's just harder to see in him. At any rate, when I finished watching the two series of the show originally, I got very sad that they weren't making it anymore. I got over it, but now I'm feeling it again.

- Got a wireless router. Online Tetris DS will clearly cause me to fail (or quite possibly miss) my exam. Fortunately, I think I only needed a D or a C- or somesuch on that last paper to pass the class. With a D, no doubt, but it's more than I deserve.

- Facebook is stupid and pointless and a complete waste of time. Of course, it's only the latter because I'm wasting so much time there. On the plus side, it's a lot easier than actually making friends; of the 42 "friends" I have listed, I count at least six whom I haven't actually, in the strictest sense, met, another six whom I think I've only met in a single interview for the paper, and a bunch more whom I've had less than five minutes of conversation with. It's just that easy, folks!

I still think "Larocque Talk With Larocque" would have been a better title

2006-04-13T22:18:00.000-06:00

My sidebar has a new link, and it's solid gold. Literally.* When I first went to Real Talk With Larocque, I was laughing my ass off before I even read a post.

* Not literally.

How I failed an easy class: an essay log

2006-04-11T20:26:00.000-06:00

It is now 8:25pm Tuesday. My final paper for Film Studies 200 is due at noon tomorrow. My status: I've decided which movie I'm going to write about. (It's Cronenberg's Videodrome.)

Following in the finest tradition of the Gateway—that tradition being one of wasting time with useless diversions—I've decided to keep a log of my progress as I attempt to complete the essay. Will I succeed? Probably not, but stay tuned!

9:10pm: I have prepared and consumed dinner, a simple but lovely spaghettini with fire-roasted tomato sauce and nutritional yeast. JLo added me as a friend on facebook, so I added her back. I've also checked hockey scores. The Oilers lost; that's not good. The Flames are winning, though, which is good, but not exactly as important. Believe it or not, I have done a bit of thinking about the paper, and have an idea of what my topic will be. Nonetheless, current word count: 0

It should also be noted that, unlike previous essay bloggers, I won't be staying up all night. I'll wake up early if I have to, which it's looking like I will, but I needs my sleeps at some point.

10:57pm: Progress! Of a sort, and interspersed with bits of Tetris and facebook, but hey. I have an idea, dumb though it may be, and have actual words written, if not many. I forgot to mention that I'm only aiming for around 1500 words here, so yay for that. I may still have a slim shot at finishing. Current word count: 222. Still a ways to go.

11:36pm: I have wasted a bit more time, and I'm being endlessly amused by a sudden flurry of unsubscribe emails, and angry responses to those emails, being sent out to the Arts "town crier" list, and thus to a large number (I'd guess nearly all) of Arts students. I am very proud to be an Arts student right now, let me tell you. I just wish it had happened a week ago so I could've put it in the paper. Oh well. Anyway, at some point I also managed to write a few words for the essay. Current word count: 384. I'd better step on it. Current word count for this post: 373. I'm a moron.

11:54pm: I'm actually moving forward! Current word count: 500. The word:time ratio is still stupidly low, but improving rapidly.

12:10am: Fuck this, I'm going to bed. Current word count: 621. I'll set the alarm for early o'clock and finish it off in the morning, if a little shorter than it should be. I'm not accomplising anything right now, though. Well, I am, but slowly, and not of high quality.

6:16am: I'm up and "ready to go." Since signing off last night, I've received nearly 100 emails over the town crier list, which is both hilarious and not cool. Word count unchanged, but I'm getting on it.

6:40am: I'm a bad person, and read (well, skimmed) through all those emails instead of doing anything productive. Ross Moroz's reply was hilarious, and boy, did he make some good points, particularly about the Gatewayer participation. Word count unchanged, but I swear to Jebus I'm getting on it.

7:22am: My best (or most prolific, anyway) progress thus far. Best of all, I'm now onto the fourth page, meaning I only need another one or so. I'm now lowering my target to 1300 words. Current word count: 886

7:57am: I've broken 1000! Better than I thought I'd do. Current word count: 1008

8:29am: I've cheated my way onto the fifth page (that's metaphorical cheating, not literal, so no need to report me), which means I basically just need to wrap up without worrying about the word count. Hurray! Nonetheless, current word count: 1247. If only any of them were good.

9:07am: Just about five full pages, and you can call me Quitty McDonerson, 'cuz that's it for this shit. What's this" proofreading" you speak of? Final word count: a shamefully low yet unexpectedly high 1385. I'm glad to be done, but next year, I think I'm going to try actually being a student.

Thanks for reading along. Now is bus-catching time.

Destructive Speed

2006-04-09T22:40:00.000-06:00

How the hell did it take two decades to come up with Push mode?

The mode in question is an absolutely brilliant twist on Tetris, found in the latest version, Tetris DS. You and your opponent play your pieces onto the clump from opposite ends of the field, and try to push the other across the deadline. Two-, three- and four-line clears push the clump towards your opponent. It's like tug-of-war (except you're pushing and it's Tetris), and it's intense. It's also so natural that it feels like you've been playing it for years. I love it, and will probably fail my class because of it.

As for the rest of the game: also awesome. The standard mode that we all love is there, of course, though it's a little different. Now you can keep a piece alive by continually spinning it once it reaches the pile. That can make things a little easy early on, but there's a tradeoff: once you reach the higher levels the pieces fall ball-assingly fast. It's ridiculous. By level 14 or 15 they're coming down unmanagebly fast. At level 20, they literally don't even fall at all; they just appear at the top of the pile. Some people don't seem to believe this, so I'll be happy to demonstrate if you ask. At any rate, this all changes the game somewhat, and people may argue about whether it's for the better (I'm quite satsified, myself), but it's still Tetris, and it's still awesome regardless.

As for the other modes: Catch is neat, but not really my thing; Puzzle is neat but the control is annoying; Touch is a cool diversion, but certainly not a replacement; and Mission (racing against the clock to complete specified tasks) is a fun complement, but again it doesn't really stand on it's own. Standard and Touch modes are where it's at.

In conclusion: buy Tetris DS. If you don't own a Nintendo DS, buy one, then buy Tetris DS.

Addendum

2006-04-07T22:52:00.000-06:00

After playing a brief bit of ultimate earlier today, I have someone to add to the list I started in my previous post:

Jake Troughton: you're On Notice. Get in shape, fatso. It should take more than 30 seconds of physical activity before you start having trouble breathing.

Snubster

2006-04-06T22:57:00.000-06:00

Scotty Bomb over at Ten Thousand Monkeys points out an intriguing new site, "borrowing" from the Colbert Report: Snubster. There, you can create lists of people/things that are On Notice, as well as Dead to Me.

Colbert is a fine guy to steal ideas from, and that's as fine an idea as any. But the thing is, you don't really need Snubster for this. I can create On Notice and Dead to Me lists just fine on my own. And now, that's what I'm going to do.

This is a very preliminary list; I'm not going to spoil it by listing everyone at once. Plus, I'm too tired to think much about it right now. But let's go.

Guy who stole the University Cup: you're On Notice. Theft is not cool, and theft of championship trophies is especially not cool. I admire your balls in just picking up the trophy and walking out, but still. Bring it back soon, or you'll be Dead to Me.

Producers of the new Battlestar Galactica: you're On Notice. How dare you make me wait until October to find out what the hell the Cylons are up to?

The Edmonton Oilers: you're On Notice. This whole "meekly slipping into the playoffs only to inevitably get swept by Dallas" thing is not impressive. Pull it together and give me reason to get excited.

The Gateway: you're Dead to Me. But I hope we can still be friends.

Perfectly able-bodied people in SUB who wait for ten minutes to catch the elevator from the ground floor to the second floor: you're Dead to Me, just like your brains are to you. Seriously, it's bad enough that you're too lazy to climb the really obvious set of stairs that many of you walk past on your way to the elevator anyway, but with the incredibly bad SUB elevators, taking them up the one floor invariably takes significantly longer than taking the stairs. You're dumb.

I've got a theory

2006-04-03T18:21:00.000-06:00

Nothing to do with demons or songs, though. Rather, I have a theory about the popular television program 24. Now, I've never seen an episode of this show, so bear with me, but I think this is a pretty solid theory. Basically, I believe that the creators of 24 decided to name the main character Jack Bauer because it rhymes with Max Power.

Thoughts?

Disgusting

2006-04-03T13:51:00.000-06:00

My phone's camera is pretty terrible, but this birthday card from Tim is pretty awesome.

I love it, too

2006-03-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, yet another really cute stranger stopped me randomly to say how much she loved my "What Would Joss Do?" t-shirt. I'm tellin' ya, if (and it's a big if) I ever decide that I really need to hook up for some random sex, that shirt is what's going to make it happen.

Reason #2 why this wrestling fan doesn't watch much wrestling

2006-02-20T23:58:00.000-07:00

Pretty much the entirety of this, but especially the first bit. You kind of need to be a wrestling fan to fully understand why, but not to partially understand why.

(If you're reading this after 27 February, the linked page will have changed, but chances are there'll still be something very suitable for my list in there somewhere.)

Even on a day off, it always comes back to sports

2006-02-20T23:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not entirely sure what I like about this shot, but I like it.

I borrowed a camera for the week

2006-02-20T23:39:00.000-07:00

Which couldn't possibly have not resulted in this.

This is what they get for not making you put a loonie in

2006-02-19T21:39:00.000-07:00

Also at Lake Beaumaris.

Poop is poop

2006-02-19T21:28:00.000-07:00

Spotted at Lake Beaumaris.

Reason #1 why this wrestling fan doesn't watch much wrestling

2005-11-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

(This is the first in an irregular, but likely quite long, series.)

Tonight on Smackdown, I'm witnessing the debut of a new tag team: the Dicks.

Until Friday, I thought I'd been drunk.

2005-10-25T19:17:00.001-06:00

I was wrong. Lesson=learned.

Vancouver sure was fun, though, aside from the vomiting and the hangover. Got me the World's Most Awesomest T-shirt and everything. (It reads "What Would Joss Do?")

Two by two, hands of blue

2005-10-14T14:16:00.000-06:00

Exhibition action in the Gateway Inning-a-Minute Baseball League continued yesterday at the Terror Dome on the campus of Miskatonic University, as the visiting Ariel Blue Suns scored two runs in the ninth inning on the way to a come-from-behind, eleven-inning 4–3 victory over the MU Fighting Cephalopods.

Defence dominated for both teams over the first two innings, with the only offence coming on a single by Blue Suns second baseman Atherton Wing. Things opened up in the third, though, as the Cephalopods scored two runs on four hits against Blue Suns pitcher Adelei Niska, who ended the game with 20 strikeouts in eleven innings of work, including 17 in the first nine innings.

Ariel came back in the top of the fourth with three singles by left fielder Malcolm Harbatkin, shortstop Crazy Ivan and centre fielder Rance Burgess, but only Harbatkin was able to score, leaving the Blue Suns behind 2–1. In the sixth, a solo home run by someone who, due to shoddy recordkeeping by the home team, remains unidentified, put the Cephalopods up by 2, a score that stood after eight innings

In the top of the ninth, though, the Blue Suns finally got their bats working again after four hitless innings. Third baseman Lawrence Dobson led off the inning with a double, then scored on a two-out single by Wing. Wing then scored on a double by Burgess to tie the game, and Niska shut down the Cephalopod batters in the bottom of the ninth to send the game into extra innings.

Neither team scored in the tenth, but Harbatkin singled to lead off the eleventh. He reached second on a ground out by Ivan, stole third after Wing was walked, then came home on a sacrifice fly by Burgess to put the Blue Suns ahead 4–3. The Cephalopods managed one hit in the bottom of the inning, but couldn't score, and the Blue Suns came away with a solid victory.

The top hitters for the Blue Suns were Wing (2–4, 1 RBI, 1 BB) and Burgess (2-5, 2 RBIs). Niska allowed three runs on eight hits in eleven innings of work.

I am a leaf on the wind

2005-10-10T18:49:00.000-06:00

You scored as Hoban 'Wash' Washburne. The Pilot. You are a leaf on the wind, see how you soar. You have a good job, and a stunning wife who loves you (and can kill people). Life is good, which is why you can't help smiling. Now if you can just get people to actually listen to your opinion things would be perfect.

Hoban 'Wash' Washburne

75%

River Tam

69%

The Operative

63%

Zoe Alleyne Washburne

63%

Kaylee Frye

50%

Simon Tam

50%

Capt. Mal Reynolds

50%

Shepherd Derrial Book

44%

Jayne Cobb

31%

Inara Serra

19%

Which Serenity character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Ou-choo

2005-09-18T19:44:00.000-06:00

Have you ever sneezed so hard that it feels like you broke your arm?

Yeah, I know that doesn't make any sense. But such is my life.

A Tale of Two Stances, or How I Learned to Golf Merely Badly, Rather Than Disastrously

2005-08-17T23:59:00.000-06:00

It was the worst of times. The very worst. I was hitting the golf ball about as bad as it can be hit, and it was getting worse. Then I hit bottom: I was swinging so badly that I wasn't hitting different clubs different distances.

I'm not even joking. I was hitting consistently, which in most circumstances would be a plus, but not here: every shot, with every club, was going 50 yards forward and 50 yards to the right. I swear I could have been swinging a putter out there.

Frustrated, I turned to my oldest and best friend: the internet. As usual, she had so much to say that it was difficult to sort through, but I did find a helpful site (from the BBC, of all places) with a section called "Why does my ball do that?" And as I read through it, it came to me: I'd fucked around with nearly every other aspect of my swing, but I never changed how far I was standing from the ball. I'd been standing too damn far away. So the next time I went to the range, I tried standing a little closer, and sure enough, it now makes a difference what club I use!

Not that I'm swinging well now, though. Oh my, no. I still have a dreadful push-slice, to the point that I aim 45 degrees left of target and still end up to the right half the time. But now, when I swing my pitching wedge it's a push-slice that travels 65 yards in the air, and when I swing my driver it's a push-slice that travels 165 yards in the air, instead of every club being a push-slice that travels 50 yards in the air. I'm going to go ahead and call that a step forward.

Plus, further study has given me some thoughts on what might be causing the push and the slice. I must get back to the range to test out my theories. If I can fix both halves of the push-slice, that should also go a long way toward solving the distance problem.

"Look at the sportsmanship, the enthusiasm, the respect that these two men have for each other--it makes me sick."

2005-08-14T18:41:00.000-06:00

Bobby "the Brain" Heenan is the greatest commentator ever.

I am here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum.

2005-08-12T22:13:00.000-06:00

Finally saw the classic movie They Live last night. It's pretty weird, but I quite liked it. Rowdy Roddy Piper does a surprisingly good job as the noble, but not entirely bright, hero who discovers sunglasses that let him see the world as it truly is--aliens are living among us and, with the help of subliminal broadcasting, fucking with society to the extent that they can pretty much grab the Earth's resources unopposed.

Again, it's strange, but in an endearing way. Nada's response to this revelation is violent, thoughtless, and maybe even a little insane, which is quite different than what we expect from a film's protagonist, but it makes sense for this character, and it's an interesting perspective. There's also an extremely long fight scene--between two protagonists, no less--that feels out of place, but actually fits quite well, if you think about it (which you certainly will in the time it takes for the fight to play out).

It's also got some fantastic lines, such as the one that I've used as the title of this post. And really, it's worth watching for that alone. The Movie Central channels seem to show it every once in a while; I highly recommend giving it a look if you get a chance.

Raw is Bore

2005-08-08T23:21:00.000-06:00

My thoughts during the Eugene/Christy segment early in the show: "This 'mentally-challenged' gimmick is one of the worst ever. And Eugene's pretty annoying, too."

Anyone who says this is a relaxing game deserves to burn in hell for all eternity

2005-08-07T23:48:00.000-06:00

I practised two kinds of driving today. I suppose that, in the big scheme of things, if I could only do well at one of them, it's for the best that it was the kind involving a motor vehicle. But that doesn't make me feel any better about my golfing.

Today's trip to the driving range set my game back 20 years. I know this, because I was hitting the ball like a fucking four year old. It was far and away the worst I've ever swung, and I've always been bad. So, boring story short, I've decided to re-learn how to golf from scratch. I might try out my dad's Natural Golf tapes, or maybe I'll stick with the traditional, but whatever I do, I need serious help.

Gentleman Only, Ladies Forbidden

2005-08-01T16:06:00.000-06:00

Trekked out to Golden West this morning to play on a real golf course for the first time ever, and I'd say I did alright. To put my performance into perspective: in the first round of the Buick Open this weekend, eventual champion Vijay Singh shot an impressive 65—but it took him 18 holes to get there! I, being awesome, only needed nine holes.

Praise Jesue!

2005-08-01T11:57:00.000-06:00

Spotted on a directory at a strip mall near my place: "CHURCH OF JESUE CHRIST OF LDS"

The weird part is that it's been that way for approximately ever.

The Penguins pick ... who?

2005-07-31T11:54:00.000-06:00

Oh man. I'm still in shock that Sidney Crosby was picked first overall. Absolutely speechless. I can't believe I bet all my money that he'd go in the second round.

(On the plus side, at least I'm only out 21 cents.)